currently residing at a Day’s Inn;
fml.

Erin,

It kills me to know that you’re hurting, and it kills me knowing I’m so far away and can’t be there for you, I really want to just kick your friends and shake them so that they can see that you need them right now. I wish that we could talk on the phone, but for some reason we never really did that in the first place lol, but for you I would. You have so much to offer and you’re an amazing friend who deserves the best from people because that is what you give to us- your friends.

I want you to know something, however many miles are between us, how ever many years pass, when I think of someone I can call my best-friend; it’s you.

and, I love the fact that when we take photos together, we can pass as brother and sister. :D

Don’t slow down, drive fast, slam your foot on the gas and look straight ahead. I earn my money to spend it, and I crack jokes to make people laugh. I ignore all the things that need my attention, and give my life to the things that make it worse. Life happens and we deal with it as it comes, wearing hoodies and chuck T’s, in the words of Matt and Kim I’m feeling restless and don’t want to slow down. I’ve been in school for about three years now and absolutely still feel like I’ve acomplished nothing, things need to change, but I’m scared to let go of this damn steering wheel. I want to slam on the breaks but I’m not wearing my seatbelt, and I’d rather not have glass break my face. The ominous music leaves me feeling seperate and unfocused, I must admit that I’m still dealing with being stabbed in the heart. The gloves I’ve knitted are starting to come undone and I’m left staring at the hands that have no crass, and for that matter I’ve seemed to lost my moxie. Damn it it all to hell, this is all my own doing and undoing and I just want to break down and say fuck it all but what good would that do but push me down even lower than I already feel. Life is not the same without you, and somedays’ I want to scream, and kick and say that it’s not far that you’re not here. Somedays’ just seem better than the rest, and this is not one of them; today I feel so alone. I’m reaching for the towel to throw it in, but I can’t seem to bring myself to actually give up, I want to do something more, something better, but I feel trapped inside the box I’ve created for myself. The sky I see is not the blue it should be, nor is the shine shinning as bright as you told me it could be. The highway I’m on has seen many mountains but as it seems I can see as far as the horizon and there’s nothing there but land and sky. There’s shapes I see that others don’t, and it leaves me with the creeps, and I wonder why this is what my imagination gives me. I dream loud so that others can hold me to it, but they’re not the ones who have the foot on the pedal- it all comes down to me, and I must say I think I’m starting to fall asleep to the music on the radio. This was my vacation and it was meant to be taken with you.

People are assholes charlie, don’t ever think otherwise, any chance to stab with a knife humanity will take it and make sure the job is done. I love when someone hurts me knowingly, then when I say I’m hurting they act oblivious as to what they did. Seriously charlie, fuck people on the real. I just want my heart to stop hurting, tired of these games being played. 

goodnight lil ween.

Sometimes we just need to sit back and say ok, things are going to be ok. Have that hope that will carry us across that line when we can stop running and just breathe. Tilt our heads to the sky and start to spin combining the blue and whites that we see together until we fall and see that green grass we hear is so better on the other side. I’ve burned bridges and broken hearts all the while excusing it with ‘im just trying to find myself’ for the last couple years I’ve learned so much about myself that it’s quite possible I’ve forgotten some of the essential qualities needed to say ‘this is me’ my finger prints will never change nor will the color of my eyes but the depth that you are willing to dive will tell you all that you need to know about what I hold dear.

Onto endless waters, we shall sail, I’ll tell you stories, I’ll look into your eyes. I promise that in such a position you will know you are loved, and that you are my only one. I’ll paint the clouds and point out stars on warm weathered nights and hold you close when mother nature will not surrender. I’ll show you that were human, and share everything I know. Onto endless waters, I’ve already built this boat.